Contemplations- Love So Deep

The moments in which love's touch seems almost amiss, her presence a bygone shadow, her companionship imaginary,  are often the times when love is moving the most. 

Performing her crucial strokes with perfection, her greatest works of art achieving. 

Our misconceptions so deep, our understandings so shallow, that we mistake our pains of growth for neglect.

"Oh my child, do you not long, do you not beg me daily to unite your heart's beatings with my own?

Do you dare ask that my fountain of grace be made to stand still?

I dig deeper. There within your very soul...I must be about expanding the magnitude of your well before I can entrust you with a gushing stream. You think I love you not because you ache within?

No this my child is love. Blessed love.

The digging may be slow at times and you may lose sight of the goal ahead, but remember how much higher my ways are than yours. I will withhold nothing good from you, NOTHING good."

So He digs, far within the depths of my soul, each shovel making more room for Himself. 

Enlarging my heart, helping me to walk within His commandments.

Then the moment comes, when all the feelings of His affection seem absent and I remember.

I remember, His greater love, His higher ways, and the hope to come.

I feel His water pouring down into the well of my soul and then someone stops.  Stops to pull forth water from my spring. Startled, almost shocked, I feel robbed of the refreshment so long in coming. Wasn't it for me?

No.... I knew it wasn't.

Releasing the water, I set at liberty all rights of claim that I thought I had held upon my gift. 

Emptiness resumes, a sensation of being drained to the last drop, takes hold of me. 

I feel at an end.

That is when... He strengthens me. He restores me. He confirms me. I gain sight of the progress made. The water gushes forth more prodigious than before. 

Oh God, what love you have showered upon me!

Then once again...

With love so deep, He digs.

"Faith many times discovers love in God's heart when it sees nothing but frowns on His forehead."
-Thomas Lye

Contemplations... What Defines Me?

What defines me? 

Who am I? What are my goals in life?

Two weeks ago I had my first voice lesson. For forty five minutes my teacher inquired after my hobbies, personal life, loves, favorite past times, goals for the future, etc. I laughed thinking how complicated I must have seemed after my short attempt to explain myself to someone who knows nothing about me. 

After dwelling on my response, I was sobered as I contemplated how she might have interpreted my passions and affections. It caused me to question: What really does define my life?  Photography? Music? My family? My church? My friends? My illness? My love for beauty? Fashion?

Oh yikes! that is most assuredly not what I want people to remember about me… AT ALL!!!

When I speak, is the overflow of my heart fervent zeal for Christ and His kingdom? Are the desires of my heart in accordance with God's desires? 

The more time we spend in the presence of the Lord, the more time we devote to gazing into His face, and digging in His word, the greater our hearts, loves, and passions will resemble His heart, His loves, His passions.

 As Moses passed time staring into the countenance of His Lord, it caused Him to not only better understand God, it changed who he was as an individual.

"…Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God. Aaron and all the people of Israel saw Moses and behold the skin of his face shone and they were afraid to come near him." -Exodus 34:29-30 

Admittedly our faces are not going "to shine", like Moses' did,  in the literal meaning of the word, but when we search after Him we WILL find Him.

"When you seek me you shall find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

"I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me." -Proverbs 8:17

My prayer is that I will seek after God with my whole being, knowing that as I seek Him, He will reveal Himself to me. Not only will I benefit from time spent in His face but others will look at me and know to whom I belong. 

The way you and I spend our time and the things we allow ourselves to hear and see, will be our counselors and will define who we are. 

So you're actually saying, that the things I read, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the friendships I invest in are what will define me? 

YES! exactly, and our testimonies as believers are tremendously watered down when our faces don't "shine" from spending time with Christ. 

Speaking for myself, I can honestly say that I don't invest all of my time wisely and all of my counselors in life are not in line with what God has designed for me. I have to repent daily of wasted time, and bad investments.

So often, the things that I put my heart into are NOT at all what I want others to describe me as. I want others to look at my life and see someone redeemed, bought, and purchased. Someone who is defined by humility and brokenness. Someone who shines. Someone who radiates Christ. 

As christians we SHOULD be defined by Christ. We SHOULD be seen as people who have been chosen and saved. Our goals SHOULD be to magnify and praise our King. We're called "to shine"!

Throughout my life, I battle with caring too much about the impression I make on others.  "They must think I'm such a wimp.", "They probably think I'm really dumb.", Or, "I really hope they don't think I'm a country bumpkin.", etc. To be honest, it sounds so ridiculous when I come out and say it, but I get so caught up in thinking about how I want other people to view me that I forget to consider how GOD might want other people to view me. 

I don't want people to remember me as someone who loves music,  pretty clothes, capturing images, who is really smart, and who never gives in. I want to be defined as a servant of The King because I know that is what my Father wants for me.