Today I Have a Sense of- Other Pilgrim's Journeys

One of my prayers in the past year or so is that God would not only help me to see the blessings He is placing in my life through my illness, but that He would cause me to remember and relish.

So I wish to share with you a random blessing that I desire not to forget. It's not profound but I find it simply breathtaking. 

For the longest period of time, I dreaded hearing my name among other's conversations. People were always asking my Mom for an update on my health. It was humiliating. Why must everyone discuss me and my problems twenty four- seven? I could go on and on about how much God has changed my heart in this matter but I will spare you the details and just say this. NEVER shy away from sharing your weaknesses and sufferings with others. It will not only bless you but hundreds of others in ways you could never have imagined. I personally have been the recipient of incredible blessings from humble souls, more than willing to pour out their bleeding hearts before me. Suffering, among each member of the body, even in all of it's unpleasantness, brings great unity to the Church as a whole.

Have you ever caught yourself in conversation with someone and find yourself blinking, hoping and praying that you are not dreaming? The person across from you seems to be flowing forth wisdom. As the conversation moves forward, you catch sight of the source from which the fountain flows. The scar, the wound, deep within their side. Tears well up within your eyes, then you glance upward and regard a beaming face. You gaze deep into the eyes of this faithful pilgrim and you sense a quietude of soul reigning within. A peace beyond belief, a calm assurance in Christ.
And it causes you to marvel. You ask yourself- Who am I to be benefitting from this blessed saint? Their contented joy seems almost unearthly and you feel more than honored when they ask you to join with them in prayer for whatever their struggle may be.

God has allowed me numerous times to come in contact with incredible sturdy believers because of that very "problem" that I at times so wish to avoid. It happens to me all the time now- "Oh, have you met Meghan, I know she has had some similar health issues."
Not only am I blessed over and over again by the mercy and work of Christ in other's lives, it has helped me put my problems in perspective, when I watch others remaining steadfast as they endure much greater hardship than I ever have.

As a selfish person, my tendency is to turn inward whenever I experience personal loss. Forgetting to look outside my own little bubble, I begin to think my own life is doubly hard compared to everyone else's.

"I don't think they really understand just how hard this is!"
Satan works diligently to assure me of the validity behind this lie and there have been times in which I have bitten into this falsehood. Each time, I have found that when I choose to dwell on my own burdens I miss out on reaping some of God's greatest gifts given, to comfort my soul.

Usually when I am feeling alone in my journey of suffering it is because I am thinking too highly of myself to stoop down and consider the sorrows and pains of those around me. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

My Father's mercy is such a mystery. I don't want to miss out on the awesome gift of partaking in the bounty of His labor in other's lives!!! 

For the humble pilgrim, this journey and passage is never made alone.

Today I Have a Sense of- Faith's Riches

"Since the Lord deals bountifully with all, every one becomes partaker of His gifts according to the measure of his own faith. If, then, we are empty or needy, that proves the deficiency of our faith; for if we only enlarge the bosom of faith, God is always ready to fill it." 

- John Calvin 

  May my prayer forever be, Lord increase my faith!

Repetitive Mercies

With a stack of books, I turn the door handle, jerking open the back door that leads into the garage. As if in response to being moved the latches on the door produce their familiar squeak encouraging me to hurry on. Opening the garage door, I quickly hasten through, reaching the grass still damp and cool from the dew. Happily perceiving that the sun had finally decided to peep it's head around the storm clouds, I walk on thinking no more of it.

Running across the lawn, I head towards my final destination. The pier, my secret spot, is really not secret but it sounds much more romantic to think of it that way. It's as if I can focus better. I feel like He's there waiting for me, wanting to hear about all of my pains and joys, hopes and dreams, longings and gratitudes. 

Placing myself down on the edge of the pier, I roll up the bottom of my plaid pajama pants and splash my feet for a second in the cold muddied lake. After an intimate conversation with my Maker, I flip my way to the story of the Israelites wishing to read it after having heard someone refer to it recently in a sermon. Completing the story, I pause to reflect. 

My mind begins to spin in a thousand different directions. 

What grumps. How ungrateful. Do they know how much God hates murmuring? They had everything they needed: daily manna, a continual reminder of his presence, clothes that never wore out, His Law, incredible miracles, protection from their enemies, fresh water, etc. What losers. They just couldn't get their act together…..

Attempting to slow my thoughts, I conclude with their hearts being hardened towards His daily faithfulness and mercy. 

I try putting myself in their place, imagining myself an Israelite. 

With a smile spreading across my face, I venture to envision myself in an Israeli robe. No, I think I'll just leave that part out…

If I had seen a cloud by day and fire by night, as assurance of God's presence. If I had seen the Red sea parted. If I had eaten bread daily given from heaven. If I had experienced my shoes never wearing out. If I had drunk water that had been given from a rock. Would I have complained for more? Would I have forgotten to give thanks? 

Shaking my head, I now move myself back into the 21st century and replay moments from my life. 

About my daily activities, I follow myself around and gaze into my recent past. The moments flash by, each one penetrating my heart like a sword. I perceive myself complaining over the rainy weather, continual aches and pains, daily pill taking, wishing I could control each day and know when and why I feel unwell, protesting over my stretched out diet, and grumbling about not having "this or that". Convicted, I cry out to God, begging of Him to forgive me. Realizing that all that I'm provided with is given by covenants and grace. Why does it seem like every problem is my problem? Conviction comes so often now...

My mind goes back to the Israelites and I ask myself once more, if grumbling would have been my response to God's incredible mercies towards their situation? They were so dull to His mercies. Just because a mercy is repetitive doesn't mean it's dull, does it? Do I do that? No, not me I'm a pretty grateful person... aren't I? 

I look inside my heart and ask myself if I'm convinced of God's providence? Do I see life as something which is teaming with dynamics? Am I taking for granted the manna that God provides daily for me? Do I see each part of life as a revelation of God's marvelous creativity? Or have I have also become dull to His incredible mercies just because they're repetitive?

"Oh you know, that's just the law of gravity, that's just how that flower grows, or that's just how the world waters itself. The grass, it always grows. The sun, it always shines because that's just what it's supposed to do. "

I'm humbled as I realize the many times I've watched a gorgeous sunset and fail to see it as spectacular because it always does that. Looking upward at the sky I feel my face warmed by the sun's presence and a tear trickles down my cheek. Oh God, I also have become dull to your repetitive mercies. Please forgive me.

Every sermon I hear is manna. Every friendship I've been given is manna. Every joy and every trial I encounter are manna. Every breath I take is manna. Every healthy day I live is manna. All the food I eat is manna. All the clothes that I wear are manna. The family that you've chosen for me is manna. The sunsets, the raindrops, the flowers, the grass, they are all manna.   

My brokenness overwhelms me as I think on the many blessings I've been given, that I repeatedly disregard. I've been provided for abundantly and I've chosen to ignore it. I see it as something that "just happens". I, like the Israelites, have been given daily manna, an assurance of His presence, food and clothing, His laws to guide me, and His grace to sustain me. Not only do I complain over the severe mercies He provides but I lack an appreciation for the daily grace He shows me in all areas of my life. He is not required to show me kindness but He does it because He delights in showing repetitive mercies to His children. Lord I praise you and acknowledge your unending mercies. My heart is full as I recognize your patience towards my ever ungrateful heart.

Just Because... She's the BEST!!!

 I've probably said this a million times but I've been blessed beyond measure... SERIOUSLY!! 

I've been supplied with sufficient grace, perfect peace, unfailing love, forgiveness, compassion, incredible relationships, earthly treasures, a beautiful life, and I could go on and on and on and on and on and on (okay, you get the point).

With all that said, today I want to specifically give thanks to the Lord for my wonderful friends. God has blessed me with friends that that not only care about my physical welfare but my relationship with the Lord. True friends are the people that you can share your heart with, people that you can laugh 

with, cry with, and rejoice with. Although we don't see each other as often as we wish, God has blessed me a cousin whose my TOTAL opposite but really is one of my dearest, closest friends. We have different lifestyles, personalities, strengths, likes and dislikes but we also have a lot of common ground. We're sisters, because we both have been bought and cleansed by an awesome Redeemer. 

About a week ago we drove up for a visit and I had a blast spending the day with her! Although you've probably seen tons of pictures that I've taken of Amanda, here are a few we took for fun. She won't admit it, but she's quite photogenic. I'm so grateful to the Lord for our honest and true relationship, Amanda! LOVE YOU!

Isn't she beautiful?!?!?

We end up doing a lot a laughing while we're at it!