a mother's wishes

Every year we ask my Mom what she wants for her birthday, and every year she always responds with- "Oh, I don't care, what do y'all want to do?"

And each year we have to question further, to find any answer at all. I guess mothers never get to think about what they want to do. This time, after reflection, she brought up that she would enjoy a picnic and afternoon walk with her family.

Of course! why hadn't I thought of that before!!!! :)

Yummy food and family. It was perfect!

So that morning, I pulled out a few random jars and bottles from our collection, the burlap, and a couple of candles. Hunting around the yard, I found much to my dismay, that our flowers were running thin, but I did find a few buds still lingering from summer. 

A few turns around the kitchen counter, a few dishes washed, and it was all complete. 

And here's the delicious, happy results... VOILA!!!!

We all have our dreams, our wishes, things that makes us smile, and things that give us joy. For a mother it's to be surrounded by her family. Her dream is to look each one of her children in the eye and smile in confidence that God has made Himself ruler and King over each heart. Her wish is to know that all is well in her home, physically, and spiritually. She finds no greater joy than to know that her children are

  walking in the truth. (3John 1:4)

My mother sacrifices so much, lives so selflessly. She makes motherhood glisten and sparkle. Delighting in submission, she is perfectly content to be about enriching her home. 

 I so admire her passion for continuing to learn more about God. She's not satisfied with what she knows, she desires to see the passion deepen. Besides, I don't know many women who could keep up with my "world changing" father!!! She makes him a success, working behind the scenes, unnoticed yet extremely powerful. 

Oh and maybe you didn't know this (or maybe you did), but I'm an extremely high maintenance, difficult, complex, inconvenient daughter. My mom has committed the vast majority of her time these past two years to helping me get well. Studying, taking me from doctor to doctor, joining me on my crazy diets, taking the time to try and get creative with my food options, doing her best to make the weird food taste good, driving me up four hours every week (lately) to Nashville for IVs and staying over a couple nights so I can do them in repetition. Then, she graciously responds time and time again to friends questioning her about the decisions we're making for my treatments- "Do you feel like she has gotten any better? Have you considered finding a new doctor?". I've never once seen her complain... no she finds it her greatest joy to sacrifice herself for her family. She hasn't just been here for me, helping me through it physically, she's walked along right beside me emotionally and spiritually as we've learned to trust the Lord with the results regardless of what the outcome seems. 

Maybe you can't see it, but I can. 

The reflection faint, but growing clearer-

Christ. 

His humility. His compassion. His pouring out of himself. 

Oh God, make my heart soft and tender like my Mother's. Calm and quiet under raging storms. Humble and submitted towards the paths you set before her. Her life, so steadfast and selfless.

If I could only have half the self-denying heart my Mother has!!!

 Father, make me this!

Another's Words- Glory

"Be shut, O mine eyes, be shut; for it is impossible that you should ever see such beauty and glory in any creature as I have now seen in God."

-John Flavel

Photo Shoot P- Family

Oh... the monogram!!!

Melt my heart!!!

Oh what a happy day, shooting this darling family!!!

Contemplations- Love So Deep

The moments in which love's touch seems almost amiss, her presence a bygone shadow, her companionship imaginary,  are often the times when love is moving the most. 

Performing her crucial strokes with perfection, her greatest works of art achieving. 

Our misconceptions so deep, our understandings so shallow, that we mistake our pains of growth for neglect.

"Oh my child, do you not long, do you not beg me daily to unite your heart's beatings with my own?

Do you dare ask that my fountain of grace be made to stand still?

I dig deeper. There within your very soul...I must be about expanding the magnitude of your well before I can entrust you with a gushing stream. You think I love you not because you ache within?

No this my child is love. Blessed love.

The digging may be slow at times and you may lose sight of the goal ahead, but remember how much higher my ways are than yours. I will withhold nothing good from you, NOTHING good."

So He digs, far within the depths of my soul, each shovel making more room for Himself. 

Enlarging my heart, helping me to walk within His commandments.

Then the moment comes, when all the feelings of His affection seem absent and I remember.

I remember, His greater love, His higher ways, and the hope to come.

I feel His water pouring down into the well of my soul and then someone stops.  Stops to pull forth water from my spring. Startled, almost shocked, I feel robbed of the refreshment so long in coming. Wasn't it for me?

No.... I knew it wasn't.

Releasing the water, I set at liberty all rights of claim that I thought I had held upon my gift. 

Emptiness resumes, a sensation of being drained to the last drop, takes hold of me. 

I feel at an end.

That is when... He strengthens me. He restores me. He confirms me. I gain sight of the progress made. The water gushes forth more prodigious than before. 

Oh God, what love you have showered upon me!

Then once again...

With love so deep, He digs.

"Faith many times discovers love in God's heart when it sees nothing but frowns on His forehead."
-Thomas Lye

Today I Have a Sense of- Other Pilgrim's Journeys

One of my prayers in the past year or so is that God would not only help me to see the blessings He is placing in my life through my illness, but that He would cause me to remember and relish.

So I wish to share with you a random blessing that I desire not to forget. It's not profound but I find it simply breathtaking. 

For the longest period of time, I dreaded hearing my name among other's conversations. People were always asking my Mom for an update on my health. It was humiliating. Why must everyone discuss me and my problems twenty four- seven? I could go on and on about how much God has changed my heart in this matter but I will spare you the details and just say this. NEVER shy away from sharing your weaknesses and sufferings with others. It will not only bless you but hundreds of others in ways you could never have imagined. I personally have been the recipient of incredible blessings from humble souls, more than willing to pour out their bleeding hearts before me. Suffering, among each member of the body, even in all of it's unpleasantness, brings great unity to the Church as a whole.

Have you ever caught yourself in conversation with someone and find yourself blinking, hoping and praying that you are not dreaming? The person across from you seems to be flowing forth wisdom. As the conversation moves forward, you catch sight of the source from which the fountain flows. The scar, the wound, deep within their side. Tears well up within your eyes, then you glance upward and regard a beaming face. You gaze deep into the eyes of this faithful pilgrim and you sense a quietude of soul reigning within. A peace beyond belief, a calm assurance in Christ.
And it causes you to marvel. You ask yourself- Who am I to be benefitting from this blessed saint? Their contented joy seems almost unearthly and you feel more than honored when they ask you to join with them in prayer for whatever their struggle may be.

God has allowed me numerous times to come in contact with incredible sturdy believers because of that very "problem" that I at times so wish to avoid. It happens to me all the time now- "Oh, have you met Meghan, I know she has had some similar health issues."
Not only am I blessed over and over again by the mercy and work of Christ in other's lives, it has helped me put my problems in perspective, when I watch others remaining steadfast as they endure much greater hardship than I ever have.

As a selfish person, my tendency is to turn inward whenever I experience personal loss. Forgetting to look outside my own little bubble, I begin to think my own life is doubly hard compared to everyone else's.

"I don't think they really understand just how hard this is!"
Satan works diligently to assure me of the validity behind this lie and there have been times in which I have bitten into this falsehood. Each time, I have found that when I choose to dwell on my own burdens I miss out on reaping some of God's greatest gifts given, to comfort my soul.

Usually when I am feeling alone in my journey of suffering it is because I am thinking too highly of myself to stoop down and consider the sorrows and pains of those around me. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

My Father's mercy is such a mystery. I don't want to miss out on the awesome gift of partaking in the bounty of His labor in other's lives!!! 

For the humble pilgrim, this journey and passage is never made alone.

Photo Shoot- P family

What more could you ask for than to be able to explore the woods with two little boys?!?! I think they enjoyed our little adventure. We fished, we hiked, we splashed, we swung, oh and we even ran into some fire grass (that stuff hurts!!!).