Contemplations... What Defines Me?

What defines me? 

Who am I? What are my goals in life?

Two weeks ago I had my first voice lesson. For forty five minutes my teacher inquired after my hobbies, personal life, loves, favorite past times, goals for the future, etc. I laughed thinking how complicated I must have seemed after my short attempt to explain myself to someone who knows nothing about me. 

After dwelling on my response, I was sobered as I contemplated how she might have interpreted my passions and affections. It caused me to question: What really does define my life?  Photography? Music? My family? My church? My friends? My illness? My love for beauty? Fashion?

Oh yikes! that is most assuredly not what I want people to remember about me… AT ALL!!!

When I speak, is the overflow of my heart fervent zeal for Christ and His kingdom? Are the desires of my heart in accordance with God's desires? 

The more time we spend in the presence of the Lord, the more time we devote to gazing into His face, and digging in His word, the greater our hearts, loves, and passions will resemble His heart, His loves, His passions.

 As Moses passed time staring into the countenance of His Lord, it caused Him to not only better understand God, it changed who he was as an individual.

"…Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God. Aaron and all the people of Israel saw Moses and behold the skin of his face shone and they were afraid to come near him." -Exodus 34:29-30 

Admittedly our faces are not going "to shine", like Moses' did,  in the literal meaning of the word, but when we search after Him we WILL find Him.

"When you seek me you shall find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

"I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me." -Proverbs 8:17

My prayer is that I will seek after God with my whole being, knowing that as I seek Him, He will reveal Himself to me. Not only will I benefit from time spent in His face but others will look at me and know to whom I belong. 

The way you and I spend our time and the things we allow ourselves to hear and see, will be our counselors and will define who we are. 

So you're actually saying, that the things I read, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the friendships I invest in are what will define me? 

YES! exactly, and our testimonies as believers are tremendously watered down when our faces don't "shine" from spending time with Christ. 

Speaking for myself, I can honestly say that I don't invest all of my time wisely and all of my counselors in life are not in line with what God has designed for me. I have to repent daily of wasted time, and bad investments.

So often, the things that I put my heart into are NOT at all what I want others to describe me as. I want others to look at my life and see someone redeemed, bought, and purchased. Someone who is defined by humility and brokenness. Someone who shines. Someone who radiates Christ. 

As christians we SHOULD be defined by Christ. We SHOULD be seen as people who have been chosen and saved. Our goals SHOULD be to magnify and praise our King. We're called "to shine"!

Throughout my life, I battle with caring too much about the impression I make on others.  "They must think I'm such a wimp.", "They probably think I'm really dumb.", Or, "I really hope they don't think I'm a country bumpkin.", etc. To be honest, it sounds so ridiculous when I come out and say it, but I get so caught up in thinking about how I want other people to view me that I forget to consider how GOD might want other people to view me. 

I don't want people to remember me as someone who loves music,  pretty clothes, capturing images, who is really smart, and who never gives in. I want to be defined as a servant of The King because I know that is what my Father wants for me.